Build Self Esteem Fast

FOUNDATIONS FOR SUCCESS COACHING

Part 1: Confess when triggered

The ultimate aim of this five-step process by Keenan Crisp in building self-esteem, is to help you reclaim your presence and with it, your confidence and your ability to deeply connect with others.

To do so, there are many paths. This particular path could be called a mind management technique. It leads to the path of wisdom as it takes you away from existing delusional notions of yourself into a much deeper Knowing of yourself.

Our beliefs shape our reality, our world, our discipline, our character, our destiny.

“An un-examined life is a life not worth living” Soctrates

The first step for balancing your beliefs or reclaiming your confidence is to confess when you have chosen to be triggered.

A trigger is anything that hotwires you back to some core pain associated with a limiting core belief (LCB), or a conclusion that you made about yourself at a very young age. At a time when you wouldn’t have considered it the fault of the adults.

It was before you started doing that. It was most likely when you were only perhaps 2-5 years of age. You were terribly upset about something. It might seem so insignificant now, but that one belief that you concluded at that time has cost you a lot.

It has also given you great gifts. Thus, our aim is not to remove the LCB but to honour it for all the gifts it has given you, and also ensure that you stop acting from a place of lack, i.e, trying to prove to yourself and others that the LCB is not true. The effort to do so will exhaust you. You may have already noticed this.

Of course your LCBs were never and will never be true. You will not prove them false by denying them, nor by doing more or by trying to change the outside.

This is inner work.

You will find that once you develop a better relationship with yourself, you will deepen your relationships with others too.

Reclaim your power by no longer saying he, she, or it makes me feel…….

Rather, confess that you’ve chosen to be triggered.

Nobody consciously chooses to be triggered. It is an unconscious impulse. Remember, a trigger can be absolutely anything, including just a thought. The trigger hotwires you to some core pain, sadness or vulnerability within you.

It’s very easy to blame the outside for how you feel but once you get this, you’ll never do that again.

It’s quite easy to detect when you’re triggered. Any time you’re unhappy for no real good reason, you’re triggered. There is, however, a difference between an in-context and an out of-context reaction. The former, everyone would react in the same way, whereas the latter indicates an LCB is at play.

So at the very least confess to yourself when you’ve been triggered. If there are others that understand this work, you could perhaps confess to them also. That way they can give you some space until you’re balanced again.

It’s super important within this first step to realise that the problem is not out there.

The problem, if anything, is the LCB. That harsh, critical self-belief that you have of your self.

Are you ready to do what is necessary to get the results your after? If so, strap in here we go.

Part 2: Choose a new creative response

Most of us respond like robots on autopilot, most of the time but,

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Viktor Frankl

It’s critical that you intentionally practice choosing new creative responses. You must stop reacting in the same old repeated, automatic ways. It’s those excessive over-reactions or that quiet flogging of yourself, or that hard-ass judge condemning yourself, that causes you many problems.

Once you’ve recognised (confessed) that you’re triggered, it’s now time to Choose a New Creative Response.

In doing so, you are now on the path to reshaping your character and transforming your limiting core beliefs (LCBs).

Get creative in your new reactions. For example, instead of yelling, try whispering, just to see which method has the best result.

Part 3: Consciously lean into the feeling.

It almost seems un-natural. Most people will run from discomfort. At some point we all have to face it. You have to feel it to heal it.

It’s time to grow. What slows growth is medication. But before you remove the medication, you must remove the cause of the illness. The cause of the illness is an out-of-balanced limiting core belief.

Until you learn to firstly observe energy but then to control it, you will be riding the highs and lows of life, like a rollacoster.

It’s o,k to be uncomfortable, vulnerable, afraid, sad, angry etc. None of those emotions are bad. They are just a product of thinking.

Your thoughts create your emotions. You must learn to feel your emotions, and then adjust your thoughts.

You’ve got this. Never give up. Love is the weapon of the brave. Your power lies in vulnerability. But you’ll never know unless you have a go.

In only needs to be between 30 seconds to 3 minutes. Set a timer if you must. But just stop in your tracks, or hide in a cubicle, but pause, perhaps close your eyes and feel.

Don’t continue the conversation in your head. Be still and feel. Feel the emotion but then notice that you’re noticing it. Be aware that you are aware of it. Then step out of it. Step into presence i,e. the here and now. Use your senses. Now think clearly. Use the clues below to name your beliefs.

Part 4: Conduct detective work to name your beliefs.

Now at step 4, you will need to find some clues, to help you name your limiting core belief.

Ten Clues To Help You Identify Your Limiting Core Belief

Your triggers
*Your out of context reactions
Your early history
Your prophecies, predictions, forecasts
Your compensating skills
Your outside of me beliefs
Your core issue
The compliments that you like least
Your primary question
What are you looking for from others

* Out of context reactions are typically the ones that are:

Repeated,

Automatic,

Seek audience support,

Intense,

Involve distort or denial and often involve,

Shooting yourself in the foot.

At some point, as a child, you convinced yourself that you were not good enough, because……….What’s the because?

Once youve named the LCB, it’s time to use that brain again to think of a balancing belief (BB). One that makes you smile. A belief that triggers the opposite energy of the LCB.

NB: If you do something stupid, that doesn’t mean your stupid. If you do something bad, that doesn’t make you bad. You are not what you do.

A BB must give you a glimmer hope. Perhaps it’s a belief that you had when you were on top of the world. What could you have said then, when everything was going great.

NB: The balancing belief can not be circumstantial. It must not depend on any external validation. So it’s not a doing word. Rather, it’s a being word.

Below are some examples of both LCBs and BBs:

Limiting Core Beliefs

1. Not good enough (i am not safe)

2. Not good enough (i don’t belong)

3. Not good enough (i have no value, i am worthless)

4. Not good enough ( i am powerless, i have no value)

5. Not good enough (i am wrong, i am unsure)

6. Not good enough (my life is out of balance)

7. Not good enough (i don’t exist; i am nothing)

8. Not good enough (i am not real)

9. Not good enough (i am unlovable; left out; unwanted)

10. Not good enough (i am defective)

11. Not good enough (i am not whole i have lost my spirit)

Balancing Beliefs

1. I am good enough (I feel safe; i can look after myself)

2. I am good enough (i belong; it’s ok to feel vulnerable)

3. I am good enough (i have value, i am worthwhile)

4. I am good enough (i have a sense of my personal power, whatever i need, I can usually find)

5. I am good enough (i am confident; i make sense)

6. I am good enough (my life is in balance)

7. I am good enough (i am me; i am who i am meant to be)

8. I am good enough (i am aware and grown up and real.

9. I am good enough (i am loveable; i am included)

10. I am good enough (i am healthy and whole)

11. I am good enough (i feel whole; connected with my inner spirit)

Once you have named your beliefs it’s time to centre yourself.

Part 5: Centre by balancing polarities.

Once you’ve completed steps 1 to 4, you’re now ready to reclaim your confidence, deepen your relationships and level up all areas of your life.

How? By balancing your beliefs.

It might seem like a lot to do, but after some practice, the 5 steps can easily be done within as little as a couple of minutes.

Please note, however, often when you’re triggered (feeling negative), the last thing you feel like doing is something positive. All I can say is do it anyway.

This is, in your body, energy work.

Give this a go after reading it through: Stand up, close your eyes. Now think of your LCB. Which side of the body do you feel it?

Take a step to that side and feel the energy. Where in the body do you feel it? Any colours? Feel the energy and name it. Maybe using the words “im not good enough because I am……..”, Or maybe nick name it. Nothing negative or derogative.

I call mine George. He’s king of the jungle. Works for me!

Then come back to the middle. Now affirm the BB as you step to the opposite side. Maybe do an incantation (affirmation with oomph). Feel the energy. Name it. E,g. “im good enough because I am………” or give it a nick name. I call mine Lotus. – It grows in the mud but is unaffected by the mud.

Again, come back to the middle. Next round, once youve stepped into the energy of the LCB, honour it by acknowledging all the gifts it’s given you.

This work is called voice dialogue. We all talk to ourselves. In this pracicte you are talking to the LCB in third person and assure it that you’re not trying to get rid of it, nor could you even if you tried, but rather you wish to thank it for the gifts it’s given you, as listed below.

You’ve got this.

If you want help with it hit this LINK.

Five Gifts Attributed To Your Limiting Core Beliefs

1. You made it. The belief helped you fit in & cope with what was happening.

2. Compensating skills. There will be one or two that really stand out.

3. Empathy

4. Adult humility

5. Gift of balancing (happy for no good reason).

I’ll close with a quote:
“follow the master, face the devil and fight to the end.” Sri Sathya Sai